If you’ve been working outside the home for any length of time before having or adopting a child, the decision whether to be a stay-at-home parent can weigh heavily on your shoulders. Not only do you have to examine your own feelings about it, but you may also be receiving advice (solicited or unsolicited) from other family members and friends.
Is there a single right or wrong choice? Oftentimes there isn’t a clear answer. Be it for personal, financial, or emotional reasons, many parents choose what feels “mostly right” for them. To do that, it's helpful to think through many of the questions that affect your decision, such as these:
- How stressful is your non-parenting job? How do you manage that stress? Can you leave it behind when you’re with your child (or children)?
- If you’re working outside the home, what can and will you be willing to do to form a secure attachment with your child when you’re together?
- What are the financial repercussions of your potential decision, not only short term, but also in terms of your (or your partner’s) retirement? It's helpful to do the math that shows the impact of the scenarios you're considering. Alternatively, discuss it with a competent financial advisor.
- Will you be more emotionally healthy at home with your child or at work?
- Are you an introvert or extrovert? Does this affect your decision in any way?
- How much involvement do you want in-laws, other family members, non-family caregivers, and friends to have with your baby?
- How would you feel 10, 20, or 30 years from now if you keep working outside the home and put your baby in childcare now? Does the quality of the care affect your feelings about this?
- Where do you feel your child will fare better long-term? Where will he or she thrive? (Research says children generally do fine either way.)
- Do you live in an area where, if you choose to be a stay-at-home parent, your child will have ample opportunities to socialize with other children as he or she grows? (Note that this is less important for a baby than it is for older children.)
- Does the choice you make today need to be permanent?
It’s rare that the answer whether to be a stay at home parent is completely clear. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to this or almost any other parenting issue that comes up. If you can get to a feeling of at least “mostly right” one way or the other, go with it confidently. The rest works itself out, as things usually do.
For more great questions to explore before you decide whether to be a stay at home parent, you can find a comprehensive list here.
