February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, an issue most parents think will never effect their son or daughter. But, unfortunately, that's not the case. Most parents don't realize the extent of date violence and abuse among teens. According to a study conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU)
- 1 in 5 teens that have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
- 1 in 3 girls who have been in a serious relationship say they've been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
- 1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family, the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner.
- 1 in 3 girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they're in a relationship; half of teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give in.
Not only is dating abuse and violence escalation, but verbal abuse through texting (textual harassment). Facebook and chat rooms is on the rise and not being fully reported. Often girls are afraid to tell their parents because they don't want to be told to break up with him and they believe they can handle the situation themselves. Only when the abuse escalated did they finally reach out to their parents fir help. Sadly, many girls also mistake this sort of behavior as romantic - that their boyfriend loves them so much that he wants to be with them constantly. But, this is typical behavior of an abuser, isolate the other person from everyone else so their opinions of themselves are solely formed based on what the abuser tells them.The result is a widening gap between what's happening to teens and what their parents are aware of. It's vital that parents recognize the signs of teen dating abuse:
- Isolation - has your daughter stopped hanging out with her friends and family to exclusively be with her boyfriend?
- Emotional Changes - has she become withdrawn or sad?
- Jealousy Issues - does her boyfriend fly into jealous rages if she speaks to another boy?
- Make Excuses for Him - does she make excuses and blame herself if they have an argument and he verbally abuses her?
If your daughter is exhibiting any one of these behaviors it's important to start a conversation and let her know you're there to help. Many times she might be afraid to tell you what's going on. Her boyfriend might be threatening to expose nude photos of her or in some other way blackmail her. She needs to know that you love her unconditionally. Talk to her about the specific issues that you've noticed and give her guidelines on how to end the relationship. Explain to her that abuse usually begins with taunting, teasing and put downs but usually escalates to physical violence. Enlist the support of psychologists and school administrators and make sure she knows that you will intervene on her behalf.
