What to do when you don't like your teen's friend?
Posted September 6, 2015 - 2:29pm
My daughter recently became friends with someone who I don't care for. I don't like her values or her behavior and don't think she is a good influence. I know I can't pick and choose friends for my children but I see this as a negative in her life. Any ideas or suggestions for me?
justamom
Good question. For a teen? That's tough. Teens tend to be rebellious & mine would usually do the opposite of what I expected of them. I didn't like my son's friends, but my son took it upon himself to not let them come in my house. They stayed on the front porch even though I invited them in many times. He knew I didn't allow foul language &/or smoking so they did that stuff outside. I never usually criticized their friends unless they had definite criminal tendencies, then I drew the line.
Frugal Minded M...
My son doesn't usually have friends come over, but I do get nervous sometimes with the people he's playing video games with on his Xbox. Fortunately for now it's just sports games they are playing.
sunnykathleen
Maybe a good compromise would be to invite the girl over and maybe get to know her better or listen a bit to her interactions with my child. I don't want to be too obvious about it because I think teens do tend to rebel against what their parents want, just to help solidify that they are their own person separate from parents. I will have to see if the friendship even continues I guess.
Mommy Ramblings
Teens are tough and sometimes well most times they tend to do the opposite of what we say ow want them to do. If you make a huge issue, it will probably drive them closer just because they may be at a stage of rebellion. I would monitor the frinedship as much as possible but still let your child make their own decisions. I mean it does not end with teens. My daughter in grad school had plans to move in with this one friend of hers. Now it was not the bad influence thing but I could see they were not compatible and that the girl was jealous of my daughter. My daughter has always been slower to see that kind of stuff as she thinks the best of everyone. I would point out some little things but did not go over the top. Thankfully all it took were a couple of weekend visits to her grad school apartment from this friend and my daughter figured it out.
Your Kid's Table
I'm not there with my kids yet, but you guys have some really good thoughts. I'm taking notes- for the future!
beachcitymom
same here..although I am almost there since I have a tween. But, this is very helpful! I do remember being a teen and when my Dad or Mom made it obvious that they didn't like someone...I do remember rebelling and hanging out with or trying to hang out more with that person.
sunnykathleen
My daughter will turn 18 next month but she is still a senior in high school. I think it is a whole new phase of parenting once they are over 18 and living or working on their own. I have to prepare myself for the change and learn to let go some. I have guided her the best I can and hope that I have instilled in her the knowledge or right from wrong and how to judge people on their character and actions. Every age brings new challenges!
Frugal Minded M...
Had to deal with this today. My oldest was doing a group project with some kids that he has confessed to me in the past smoked pot. One does it with his dad. There was no way I was going to let him go to their house so I said they could come here. I did allow him to then go out to restaurant with them and the school football game, but told him if I even smell pot on him he won't get to do it again.
sunnykathleen
Wow, with his dad. I am just a little naive I guess. That is appalling!