Those personality differences are challenging! I used to think my 5 yo was so different than me, but then I realized I actually have some of her same traits. They are just more dormant in me - ha! Redirecting the energy and focus of a strong willed child often hinges on finding what resonates with them. My 5yo needs a pity party for a few minutes to get her out of her situation. My 9 yo needs to know that I understand her feelings, but her actions are not appropriate. 

Oh boy, yes! I know exactly what you're going through. My youngest is really challenging to deal with sometimes. And it's such a change for me, because my oldest daughter was SO easy and mild-mannered. I rarely had to raise my voice with her. But my 9-year old is constantly trying my patience and I have lost it with her more times than I care to admit. I'm kind of the opposite of you, though. She was much more easy-going when she was 5 and 6, but it seems that the whole obstinate personality thing started in the last couple of years. I'm a bit worried about the teen years too, but I'm hoping my older daughter's laid-back personality will rub off onto her little sister soon.

My school uses the Positive Discipline program. It is a kind but firm appraoch. I don't agree with everything but it puts control into the child's hands and makes them a pariticipant, has them reason with their adults and helps to set boundaries. I highly recommend taking a peek at it. Good practical tips for parenting.

I have a strong-willed child who is now 22...I'm still learning to deal with him! :)

My 8 year old is like this but he is so much like my husband and my husband just does not see it and they butt heads every day! It makes me so upset because my husband cannot see he is just like him and I think that is the reason they just both know how to push each other's buttons. It really can make for tense times. 

To be honest, my son was so obstinate I just really lowered my expectations with him, although I had to punish him a lot. As my kids got older I used to let them choose their own punishment & I think it really helped with the maturing process. They usually chose an appropriate one believe it or not. I also think it helped to not make them feel like I was being unfair.

Wow, it seems like there is one in every family. I have one, too. He challenges me every day. I try to look at him through a different lens, and am careful not to over correct him and give a lot of sensory/movement opportunities, which really seems to help. I also *try* to find individual time with him every day.