How to help tween daughter who is hurt/angry at parents for having sex.
My 12 year old daughter has begun puberty, with body changes and mood swings...but the thing we can't seem to get past is her ANGER, and Disgust over my husband and I having sex (alone, door locked, discreet). She was upset and disgusted to learn about sex, menstuation, ect.... (we are very open attachment style parents, reassuring her of the natural-ness of her body changes...that sex is natural and beautiful when an adult man and woman are in love, ect) We explained that sex is not for children, and we don't expect her to like the idea, but trust us that it is OK for a married couple in love, She is afriad to go to school that we may "do it" when she is not home, and listens for us at night, or in the mornings...and cries, tantrums, gives us nasty attitude if she suspects we may have had sex. She accuses us of child abuse, being she has "heard" our bed squeek. (unfortunatly her bedroom is under ours as we are renovating our home... but we are working on finishing her permanent bedroom which is better out of earshot but will take a few months to move her). We address her concerns in the most loving healthy way, and want her to have a healthy view of her own sexuality as an adult...but she is not budging in her disgust and outrage. Please HELP!
MommaRivers
It seems like you are doing everything you can to help her understand. We had a similar issue with our 11-year-old son and it helped to really find the route of the problem. We realized that he had learned about sex too quickly for his emotional development so he wasn't able to fully understand the things we were talking with him about. Ask her why she is so angry about it. Still be open with her in your response but not too much that it is too much for her emotional development. The concept of sex can be scary for kids and maybe she isn't ready to hear all about it. I found this good video on the site on talking with girls about puberty and sex and it might help you. http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/teenager/sexuality/talking-about-sex/tips-...
Marshall Herff
Teens will be teens not much you can do besides be supportive :-/
SuperDuperMom
Until your daughter is sexually active, it will be hard for her to understand anything about sex. You're doing all you can! Has she been to any sex-ed through her school? I have friends who say that really helped their teens because they were all learning about this stuff together.
CraigK
How does your daughter respond when you try to sit her down and address some of these concerns with her?
Haymalz
That seems like a very uncomfortable situation. It may be time to let your daughter know she needs to get over it. Yes, she is weirded out about sex, which is normal, but she's blowing the situation out of proportion. You are the authority in this situation. Let her know that you've tried to be understsanding and that you get that she's disgusted, but that the time for her accusations, sneaking around, and general disruption of family life is over. It may be hard to be tough on your daughter, but it seems like nothing else may work. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you good luck.