Helping Your Child Handle Other Kids Being Unkind
Posted September 15, 2015 - 8:23pm
Well, kindergarten is going great. My son seems to be transitioning really well. However, he is going with 5 neighborhood boys, and they are getting into all this drama about who will sit next to who on the bus. A couple of times one of the kids actually told him they didn't want to be his friend anymore, for no reason really. I ended up telling the mother, whom I'm friends with. She made him apologize, and he admitted he just said it because he wanted to sit with somebody else. Tell me this stuff gets easier... Or, do I just need thicker skin?
Mommy Ramblings
That stuff is hard and you want to protect your child. Fact is a lot of kids say cruel things. I am sure you remember some from your own childhood. Lots of times it is stemming from other issues in that child's life. With a tighter crack down, awareness and zero tolerance on bullying things are taken much more seriously but still when it is your child... Just keep talking with your child and make sure that he feels comfortable telling you stuff. It can happen that if he did tell you something that got that kid in a lot of trouble that the kid may threaten your son that if he ever tells anyone again XYZ will happen. So just be aware but explain that sometimes people are mean because of something that is happening to them.
Your Kid's Table
Those are some really good points! Thank you for sharing all of your experience!
beachcitymom
Yes, this is a tough one. :( I also remember being a child and how children do often say things that are cruel. I don't think it gets easier. I wish I had more advise on this one. I think I am actually also looking for advise on this one. Hang in there!
Your Kid's Table
In addition to the other great advice here, I did talk to him about getting help from a teacher if he didn't know what to do. Obviously, I don't want him to be a "tattle tale", and we talked about the difference. But, I also want him to know that at the age of 5 he can get help from a trusted adult if he needs it. As he gets older we will need to revise that as I know telling a teacher will likely make it more difficult for him.
CandyOvercaffed
Not sure that it gets easier. When things like that happen to my girls, I ask them, "What do you think about that?" And if it made them feel bad I'll ask them if they think that's the right way to treat a friend and let them know they don't have to be friends with everyone. I especially let them know that if someone is trying to make you feel bad they are not your friend. Even at this young age. On the other hand, we also talk about how sometimes people say things they don't mean. But I try to find ways to empower them in the situation if I can.
Your Kid's Table
Great advice, that is exactly what we have been doing. I think in this instance it is more the latter, thankfully, that he didn't mean what he is saying. I'm trying to find the right balance of not over-talking it, but making sure he is equipped to deal with it.
CandyOvercaffed
Right! I always try to make sure I'm not over-talking it and making it a bigger deal than it is.
Hallz105
I usually tell my kids if someone isn't being nice that they have the choice not to play with them. At the same time I remind my kids how it feels to be left out and that they themselves should be kind to everyone. I tend to keep it simple and try to let my kids find their own solutions. Maybe I'm in the minority with this!
CandyOvercaffed
That's probably a more accurate description of my approach. I want to give them guidance but not get too involved, you know?
jonbonjovious
I think choices are a very important step. Reminders of how we feel often keep us from straying from what we know is right. I'm with you on this. Children are resilient and often times come up with better solutions than parents.
sunnykathleen
Social stuff if hard to navigate as a parent and a child! I highly recommend a book called, "Best Friends, Worst Enemies" It is all about the stages kids go through socially and how we can deal with them as parents. Really a good read!
CandyOvercaffed
I haven't heard of that book. I'll have to check it out!
justamom
I'm so glad that they're finally bringing this stuff out in the open. They're talking about it, making films, songs, etc. I managed to make it thru being the outsider because thankfully God gave me a sharp tongue to cut my enemies down with. I do feel sorry for all those kids that just have to put up with it. I do try to include characters in my projects that are on the outside looking in. It's cathartic for me to write about them. If I had kids dealing with this I would hope they feel they can come to me for support, like they're doing with you.
Your Kid's Table
Thanks! That is great that you are mindful of it in your projects, you never know who you may be helping!
justamom
Thanx for the compliment, I try to do my part.
Hallz105
I feel like I focus more on teaching my kids to be compassionate and make good choices. I worry more about them being nice to others and hope that they are able to brush off any harshness that comes their way. Maybe this is true only because they've never had any problems with kids at school being really mean or bullying. My heart hurts for those that have! Some kids at my kid's school created the "buddy bench" where kids can sit if they are feeling lonely or don't have anyone to play with at recess. I think it's a really cool idea. I remind my kids to check the bench — my daugther is really good at doing this and making new kids feel welcome.
jonbonjovious
I love the buddy bench idea. What a great way to make new friends. Those kids that created that are awesome friends.
jonbonjovious
I love that my kiddos include everyone. I am always surprised no matter where we go, they make new friends so easily. We had an issue with neighbors who were terrible bullies to my son. I would get so angry hearing the things they would say to him over the fence, or when he was in the yard playing. Initially, my children's nature was to be their friends when the mean kids would have no one else to play with, but I quickly ended that and let my children know that while their hearts were good and they wanted to include the neighbors, they were not their friends. It was a great lesson in loving yourself enough to say, "I deserve better friends." It was difficult, but over time, my kiddos learned to say, "No thank you." When the bullies would ask to play. I don' t know that it gets easier--but awareness is important and establishing boundaries and self worth in our own children.