Simple Ways to Encourage Cooperation

Do you have a child who won’t cooperate with your requests? Do you repeat yourself so often that you sometimes feel invisible?

Don’t get frustrated! Don't yell, beg or threaten! Instead try one of these fun and effective approaches.

Engage the Imagination

A great way to gain willing cooperation is to take advantage of your child’s natural and vivid imagination. It’s an easy way to thwart resistance and negative emotions. You might pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it. Medicine can turn into magic power solution, a toothbrush can have a voice and locate every speck on food on the teeth as it does its work, or the toys can come alive and make a parade into the toy box. Children love to pretend and by entering their world and playing along you can prevent many daily skirmishes over everyday chores. Once you open your mind to the possibilities you’ll see that almost any event can be sweetened with a little fun imagination.

Mother-speak

“I learned the hard way about being too serious versus making a game out of things. One day, Maya and I were going for a walk to the park. When we walked through a neighbor’s yard she picked up some pebbles and threw them. I told her that we don’t throw rocks. Then I said “If you throw those again then we are going home and not to the park.” She did throw them again (of course!), so I picked her up and we started back home. She screamed bloody murder the whole way. I was sure the neighbors were all watching me do the walk of shame home with a screaming child. Now that I learned this trick, when something like that happens I am more creative. We end up following imaginary caterpillars or marching to the park. It works! And it’s so much nicer, and we're both happy.” Michelle, mother to Maya, age 3

Sing a Song

Even if you can’t carry a tune, putting anything to music makes if easier to listen to and fun, too. You can wash your child up to “This is the way we wash our hands, wash our hands...” One mom of five that I know discovered a great way to keep her children content during car rides. She loved to sing, so she makes up opera tunes about the scenes they see as she drove along the road. Her kids often chime in with their own versions. You can sing whenever the spirit moves you. You can sing songs that you know just to liven up the moment or you can create a particular song to be used as a cue to certain tasks – such as a clean up song that takes place whenever the toys are picked up and put away. Another beauty of putting your words to music is that both you and your child will end up feeling much happier.

Tell a Story

Children love stories. These will hold their attention and can get them to willingly cooperate. Stories can be used to teach a lesson, ward off boredom, or keep a child focused on the task at hand. Stories can be told in advance of any event to let your child know what’s about to happen and ward off fussing when the actual event occurs. You can tell a little tale about a boy who goes to Grandma’s house for dinner – how he says please and thank you and the Grandparents are so proud of him. This is in preparation for an actual visit, of course! You can tell a story about a puppy who goes to the doctor for a checkup, a Tyrannosaurus Rex who visits the dentist, or a penguin’s first day at daycare. You can use the story format to teach important lessons about sharing, being kind, being patient or any other life skill you are trying to teach your child. Stories can also be used to keep your child still and mentally occupied, such as when you are dressing him, waiting in a long line at the post office, or putting him to bed at night. A story-telling routine can be a handy tool in all of these cases. If you have a talkative, imaginative child, invite him to tell his own stories, too!

Be Silly

Experts say that children laugh about 300 times a day, but we serious adults laugh less than 15 times a day. Not only does laughter reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost your immune system; it makes you feel happy, encourages your child to cooperate with you, and ends fussy moods. Children don’t require a scripted comedy show for entertainment. Any light-hearted banter will do the job. Physical humor – like pretending to fall, exaggerated speech, or funny accents can often create a joyful moment. Being silly — like putting your child’s sock on his hand instead of his foot – often elicits a laugh, along with the desired cooperation. The added bonus to acting silly for your child’s benefit is that it will lighten your spirits as well. You'll both have a happier day!

Need more tips on getting your kids to listen? Check out The No-Cry Discipline Solution for gentle ways to encourage good behavior without whining, tantrums & tears!