Anyone with young children knows the struggles that can arise whenever you need to get your kids to do something they don’t want to do or are outside the norm. Or, if you’ve ever tried to put your child to bed without reading a favorite bedtime story, you’re more than familiar with the push-back and the occasional outburst that follows.
These adverse reactions are rooted in the child’s concept of safety and well-being. Structure and routines create a sense of normalcy, an expectation is made, and those combine to create a sense of safety and wellbeing. However, research shows routines create a sense of self-regulation, especially related to emotional regulation and mental health.
Without structure and routines, a sense of unknown comes into the picture, and that can be unsettling for your little one and make it difficult for them to have the tools to explain their thoughts and emotions. For example, when you ask your child a question about their school day or their feelings, all too often the dreaded, “I don’t know” is the response.
This reply is a common coping mechanism and avoidance technique because the uncertainty, uncomfortableness, or inability to explain themselves is part of learning to mature. It is also due to a lack of understanding of explaining those thoughts and emotions. Routines, therefore, can create a sense of purpose and accomplishment. And in turn, they can serve as building blocks for self-confidence and positive behaviors.
Create Schedules
The benefit of scheduling activities throughout the day helps alleviate the anxiety of the unknown and gives your child something to look forward to every day. Even in the instance that the schedule is to include something less fun like chores, setting a plan and adhering to it is a good practice.
However, remember that a schedule should be explained early in the morning but shouldn’t be overpacked with minute-by-minute things. Instead, just a few things on the schedule give personal meaning to the day. An example schedule may include:
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Breakfast
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Bath and getting ready for the day
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Activity whether school or something physical
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Lunchtime activity and afternoon plan
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Dinner
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Bedtime routine
Notice that in the example above, the schedule is broad enough that it isn’t too overwhelming. But it is something your kid can easily understand and has three solid pillars, such as meal times followed by one activity. This routine helps your child know that there are different activities around different times of the day and helps them understand more about the time of the day as well.
Stay Consistent But Flexible
Being consistent with schedules and rules means predictability to the day. Predictability is a comfort level that helps alleviate the stresses of the unknown. Don’t be rigid in your schedules and rules, though.
Instead, have time to be flexible, explore, wonder, and learn at your child’s pace and not the timeframe you as an adult want. Helping your child explore their surroundings within the framework of your schedule is a great way to be predictable and stimulate their development.
Be In The Moment In Relationships
Being in the “now” is not a conscious decision for your child. It is merely all there is. Sure, as they develop, they will have more of an understanding of expectations and time. But in general, let them exist at the moment. And this idea applies to you as the parent, as well. For example, if you are exploring a park, don’t let them run off so you can check email or social media.
Instead, engage and exist in your child’s world for the amount of time you’ve set aside for the activity. You’ll enjoy and learn more about your child, they’ll see you as engaging, and that simple act will strengthen the bonds between you and your child. This simple act will validate your child’s emotional wellbeing, and they’ll carry it with them for a lifetime.
Create Healthy Rituals
Every day you already have rituals established, whether consciously planned or not. For example, if mealtime is centered around the TV, you’ve established a ritual where meals and TV go hand-in-hand. Instead, create healthier mealtime rituals centered around talking and sharing.
Another healthy ritual is teaching your child about self-care. Self-care is a vitally important skill for your child to acquire as they grow and mature. For example, you can teach them about brushing their teeth, how to go to the bathroom, handwashing, bathing, washing, and brushing hair. As they grow older, you can teach them about other hygiene tips.
These can include shaving or how to handle their messy, frizzy hair with products such as gels and even using a spray bottle and hair ties for different styles. The process of teaching your child different hygiene tips and hairstyles allows them to create their routine and rituals about how they get ready to present themselves to the world, making them more invested in their self-concepts.
Much like adults, kids need to have routines established. This is a great way to alleviate stress and anxiety and build on proper social and emotional regulation skills needed as the mechanisms to handle stress, adversity, and obstacles throughout their lives.
