Many kids have heard about death, but they might not fully grasp what it means or how deep grief can be. When it happens in the family, you might want to do all you can to help your child cope with their sorrow. However, this might not be completely doable since children process grief differently from adults, and their feelings can be hard to understand. In such situations, getting an expert involved is a good idea to support your child.
Children handle grief in their own way, and accepting what has happened is often the toughest part. It's important to be straightforward when talking about death with them. Explain that the loved one will not return and help them deal with that reality. Even with these strategies, sometimes bringing a grief therapist into the picture is wise.
Here are some helpful tips to support your child through grief:
Provide Safety Through Normal Routines
When loss turns your child's world upside down, the best you can do is offer consistency wherever and whenever possible. You can provide security by keeping the family structure as usual. Continue the activities your child enjoyed before the loss unless they prefer otherwise. It lets the child know they can count on you.
Your instincts may prompt you to exempt your child from normal family structures, routines, and rules, thinking, "They are facing a tough time. I can let them off the hook." However, resisting this urge and allowing your child to understand that life goes on instead of letting them call all the shots is advisable.
Encourage the Child to Express Their Feelings
Expressing emotions helps a child come to terms with reality faster. You can find various children's books and films about death that can ease the tension. Watching these films or reading books with a grieving child can start the conversation effortlessly.
Some kids may struggle with expressing their emotions through words. In such cases, encourage them to express themselves through their most comfortable outlets. This includes building scrapbooks, drawing, telling stories, or looking at a family photo album together. You may also want to bring them to a counselling service, allowing your child to express themselves in a safe space.
Talk to the Child Directly
Experiencing death for the first time may make young people and kids feel lost and confused. Sometimes, they worry more about you, even when dealing with grief. The best thing in this situation is to help the child understand death better. You can provide clear information on the subject according to the child's age.
Avoid euphemisms when explaining death to a child. Children are literal, and telling them, "Your dad went to sleep," might scare them. In addition to scaring your child off bedtime, euphemisms can impede their ability to cope. They may also interfere with the child's chance to develop valuable coping skills they need.
Allow the Child to Attend the Funeral
Accepting reality is often the most challenging part for a child when a loved one dies. While attending a funeral is a burden for you and your child, it provides a much-needed closure.
However, if your child is not ready for this intense experience, it is best to let them be. On the other hand, if the child is willing to go, prepare them psychologically for what they might see. Let them know that funerals are a sad experience and that some people will cry.
In addition, preparing yourself for any unexpected reaction from the child is advisable. Remember, they might get upset even with all the preparation. If you feel a funeral is inappropriate or the child refuses to attend, use other means to provide closure. You can release balloons, share stories, or plant a tree to remember the departed.
Show Love and Attention
Psychology says children need a sense of belonging in a family unit and want to feel significant. If a child loses a person in the family who made them feel important, maybe a parent, sibling, or relative they rely on, they may feel lost and out of place.
They often question their place in this new world and family dynamic. The best grieving strategy is to show more love and care to such a child. You can spend time with them doing things they love and enjoy. It shows them that they still have a place and are not alone.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Children often imitate the grieving behaviour of adults around them. Therefore, it is important to express your emotions as it shows your child that it is okay to feel upset or sad.
It is a way of reassuring them. Nonetheless, it is advisable to avoid uncontrollable or explosive grieving behaviours when you have a child, as they encourage unhealthy ways of coping with grief.
There are several ways of expressing love to a grieving child. If your daughter loves taking them to the park or playing on a trampoline, that may be a perfect way to distract them from grief. By answering all their questions regarding death and a departed loved one, you are showing your attention to what they are going through.
