It can be challenging to go through a divorce or separation, especially when kids are involved. Not only will you be trying to stay productive and get through your work day, but you will also be concerned about how hard the divorce is affecting your child. Your child's emotions may change and go through stages when they are trying to wrap their little heads around it all. They may feel confused, angry, worried about what would happen to them, sad, or even guilty. It's important for divorcing parents to handle these changes with love and understanding. This article will show you steps to take during a divorce to ensure your child's well-being.
Explain the Situation to Them
Your relationship with your child and parenting behaviors directly influence your child's development and can even predict their behavior. This is why you must take the time to explain the situation to them. To ensure consistency, you and the other parent should set aside your differences and discuss what you will say to your child before speaking to them about the divorce. Consider your child's age when deciding how much information to provide them. An older kid might ask for more information, while a younger child will need less detail.
It is best for the two parents to be present for the discussion. Choose a good place and time to talk and be honest with your child about what's happening. If one parent is unavailable for this discussion, the other parent who's most accessible to the child should have the discussion. Your child may worry that they are the cause of the divorce. You must explain that it is an adult problem and not their fault.
Create Your Parenting Time Schedules Wisely
A parenting time schedule helps describe how divorced or separated parents will share their time with their children. According to Laura Gillis Law Office, a custody attorney in Phoenix, "This arrangement can be determined by the court or by mutual agreement of the parents. When establishing a parenting time arrangement, courts consider the interests of the children and strive to ensure that each parent receives an adequate amount of quality time with their children. Depending on the circumstances, parenting time may include regular visits and overnight stays, as well as holidays and special occasions."
One advantage of a parenting plan is that it helps reduce conflict between both parents by clearly identifying each parent's roles and responsibilities. It sets out expectations so that you and the other parent can avoid exposing your child to conflict. As your child grows older, they will want to have a say in such decisions that affect them. Don't ignore your child's preferences and views, and allow them to participate in the parenting arrangements since it will affect them. Remember, involving your children requires balance and sensitivity.
Maintain Stability and Routine
Your child's well-being thrives on predictability and a consistent routine. That's why it is crucial for you and the other parent to maintain stable routines in both households after the separation or divorce. When a child does not know what to expect, it can create a lot of anxiety for them and cause them to act out. It can even lead to poor performance in school. To help your child cope with the changes that come with divorce or separation, set aside your differences with the other parent and establish a consistent routine in both homes.
Your child should know that despite the changes that their family has undergone, they can always rely on a consistent routine. Having a schedule for bedtime, dinner, and homework can provide a sense of structure that will help them feel safe. It also teaches them to manage their time to accommodate their expectations. For instance, if your little one goes to bed at the same time every night, they will manage their time during the evening to be early enough for bed.
Practice Self-Compassion
Divorce or separation can lead to feelings of self-blame, shame, or even guilt. You must love yourself and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can for your mental health and your kids. Give yourself time to heal from the divorce, practice self-compassion, and set boundaries with your ex-spouse. Make it clear that you want all communications to remain respectful and that you want to avoid heated arguments and bickering.
If you are heavily impacted by the divorce and are struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help. A counselor who specializes in divorce and family issues can help provide you with the guidance you need and support you through this challenging time.
