There are times in our lives when we may need to support both aging parents and young children at the same time. If your children do not go to school yet or you take care of them by yourself as a single parent, and your parents require a little extra care as they age, you may find yourself feeling weighed down with extra responsibilities. This can become particularly difficult if you also have a job.
The constant juggling may be overwhelming, but it can be done. Follow our advice based on experience with both age groups.
How much time do you have?
Sit down and think realistically about how much time you have to commit to your parents’ care. Older parents may only need someone to check in on them every few days, or to help with light housework or grocery shopping. If your children are young and you are their primary caregivers, you may need to dedicate more time to them and less time to your parents. It is important that you are honest with yourself.
What can your parents handle on their own?
The first question you need to ask yourself is what your parents can handle on their own and to reassess this as and when needed. This will depend on their age and health. If they are still relatively independent, you may want to consider ways you can help them remain that way.
This could include things like:
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grocery shopping
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preparing meals
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taking out the trash
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driving them to appointments
If they need more care such as help with dressing, eating, or bathing; think about which tasks you are able and willing to help with. If they do need this extra assistance, try to organize for someone to watch your children whilst you visit to help them bathe and dress so that you can focus on the task at hand.
You should also involve them in a discussion about what they can handle by themselves. This will help them to maintain independence and a feeling of control over their life.
Make a schedule
If your parents live close to you, spending time with them does not have to be a daily chore unless they need daily visits to assist with taking medication, making food, and maintaining hygiene. Making a schedule of visits is essential for your own planning purposes. Make sure that you consider your child's needs, too. Keeping a schedule will ensure that you don't forget appointments, after-school clubs, and events that you've promised to attend with your child. Even if you don't strictly stick to your schedule, it will help to keep your day running smoothly.
Keep time aside for your children
No matter how young or old your children are, they still need and want your time. It is important to schedule some one-on-one time with them every week, even if it is for a short period of time. This can be during the day or evening; whatever works best for you and your family.
During this time, try to do something that they enjoy. If they enjoy going for a walk, pack a lunch and go to the park. If they enjoy reading or watching TV together, grab a book or their favorite DVD and spend some time cuddled up on the couch with them.
Read: The Importance of Making Time for Your Children
Respect boundaries
Set up healthy boundaries which work for everyone involved. This means allowing your parents the opportunity to set the limits on how much help they need and when. They may not always want your assistance, and that is okay. Respect their wishes and give them their space but be sure to communicate with them regularly to ensure they are comfortable and still require your help.
Ask for help
Consider how much time you have available and what your priorities are at this stage in your life. Are there others in your family who can pitch in and help to meet your parent's or children's needs? Are they able to watch the kids for a few hours on a Tuesday evening whilst you take your parents grocery shopping? Don't feel guilty about asking for help.
Watch: What to consider when hiring a caregiver for an aging parent
Explore other options
If you are overworked, over-stretched and you feel like you can't continue balancing child and parent care, it may be time to look at other care options for your parents. Explore what is possible and involve your parents in a decision if you can. Some social care options to look at might include:
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Hiring someone to come and visit them at home and help them with daily tasks
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Taking up residence in a care home or village
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Splitting your responsibilities with another family member
Appreciate the time you have together
Providing care for the young and old can be stressful, but you should try to find joy in spending time with your children and parents together. Plan activities when you visit your parents that are enjoyable for both parties. If you spend too much time 'working' for your parents, you may start to resent your responsibilities, spending time with them in their home doesn't have to always involve cleaning and helping around the house.
