Very rarely does a divorce end on good terms, with the two divorced spouses feeling positively towards their ex. While co-parenting with your ex is rarely an easy task, it does play a major role in your children’s positive upbringing and well-being. Cordially co-parenting with your ex will give your children a sense of stability and result in your children having close relationships with both parents. While co-parenting is not easy, it is vital in guaranteeing your children’s basic parenting needs are met and that they are able to maintain close and meaningful relationships with both of their parents.
The most significant aspect of successful co-parenting is to make your relationship with your ex all about what’s best for your children. This means that you will have to put aside your own emotions and feelings of irritation, frustration, hurt, and anger so that the needs of your children can be met. Co-parenting is not about your or your ex’s feelings, it’s about the future well-being of your children.
Here are some important tips and reminders to help in your co-parenting efforts:
Don’t criticize your ex to your children. It is important that you don’t put your children in a position where they feel they have to choose sides between you and your ex. Wait until your children are out of the room to start venting about your ex. No positives come from speaking poorly about your ex to your children. Remember that your ex is also your children’s parent, and it is important that they love and respect them.
Try to remain balanced. Try to refrain from being the good or bad guy parent. Trying to be the “cool parent” can easily backfire on the other parent during their time with the children. This can result in the children having feelings of resentment towards the other parent and an unwillingness to follow their rules they have in place for the children. Children will develop and grow the best with a unified parenting front. Both parents should make sure to incorporate a healthy amount of structure, fun, and predictability in their parenting.
Don’t sabotage your children’s relationship with your ex. Never use your children to gain information about your ex or their parenting techniques and practices. It is important that you never purposefully expose your children to any form of conflict, especially between you and your ex. Research has shown that when children are put in the middle of a conflict they are more likely to feel helplessness and in turn question their own ability and strength.
Encourage your children’s feelings of love towards your ex. Give your children permission to love your ex by telling them that it is okay to love their father or mother.
Promote the conversations and discussions of feelings with your children. Open communication and expression of feelings has a tendency to create an overall healthier environment for the children. It is much better to allow your children to discuss and talk about their feelings as they take place. Instead of allowing angry feelings to accumulate, resulting in angry outbursts. Begin to talk to your children about all types of feelings, including love and anger at a young age to better avoid future painful encounters with them later on.
Endorse the relationship between the children and the ex-spouse. The more time children spend with both parents the better for their overall well-being and growth. Research shows that the more absent a parent is the less involved they are with the children. It is important for children to spend a significant amount of time with their father and mother while growing up.
Divorces and breakups happen! If these divorces and separations are not handled correctly they can have a negative effect on the children involved. It is important that both spouses involved in a split put the needs and feelings of their children before their own. Depending on your specific circumstances, either a San Diego divorce attorney, counselor, coach, or general family attorney in San Diego, CA can help guide you through the divorce process which will free up a lot of your time so that you can focus attention towards your children and parenting them the right way.
