Domestic violence is a silent epidemic growing at an exponential rate. Anyone regardless of their age, race, or class status can become a victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) research shows on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.
Why just not leave? Easier said than done. What most people fail to understand is that arriving at the decision to leave the abusive relationship is a process. Ahead are some helpful tips on how to go about taking action while securing your safety.
Prepare for emergencies:
- Be on alert for signs or red flags the abuser may be getting upset.
- Identify safe areas in your home, avoid enclosed spaces, look for a room with outside windows.
- Establish a code word or signal you and your child can use with others to alert them you’re in danger.
Set up an escape plan:
- Keep the car fueled and the driver’s seat unlocked for quick access.
- Hide a spare car key where you can quickly grab it.
- Stash emergency cash, clothing and important legal documents (social security card, birth certificates, pay stubs) at a friend’s house that the abuser is not familiar with.
- Contact trusted individuals to ask for a place to stay, a ride or help contacting the police.
- Memorize emergency contacts, local shelter and domestic violence hotline.
- Rehearse the escape plan with your child so both of you can be prepared if under attack.
Now that you have left your abusive partner you still need to take precautionary measures in order to keep yourself and your child safe.
Moving on after the abuse:
- Move to a new town/area
- Use a P.O. Box for mailing address instead of your residence address
- Cancel any shared accounts
- Update your routines and places you visit (i.e. supermarkets, stores)
- Always carry a cell phone with you at all times and program important numbers (i.e. 911)
- Make sure you obtain a court order for custody otherwise you can be charged with kidnapping.
- Reach out for opportunities where you and child can get counseling or therapy.
Recovering from the scars of an abusive relationship is not impossible with the right support. It will take time and effort but the most important step has already been taken, you’ve obtained yours and your child’s safety.
Child Custody and Visitation Concerns
If it is you that is danger of your spouse and not your child and there are certain child custody concerns you have, contact an experienced and trustworthy child custody attorney to help you figure out what your best legal options are. Here are a few tips and suggestions that may also help:
If you share legal custody of your children with the abuse spouse or partner, and you can have your contact info kept private and out of court records so that he or she cannot find you in the future.
If you are able to obtain sole custody over your child, but if a judge orders some type of visitation rights for your ex-spouse, you can ask that certain and specific conditions be put on it. For example, supervision or a requirement that your spouse cannot drink or do drugs before or during visitation, specific friends, relatives, or associates of your spouse can’t be around the kids.
If restraining orders are in effect, or if you don’t think it’s safe to be in the same place as your spouse, you can choose a public place to meet for visitation exchanges. Your local police station is a good choice, or you can use a public area or place you feel safe.
In the most extreme and dangerous cases, you can request that the court and or judge appoint a visitation supervisionmonitor and arrange for the drop-off and pickup to be staggered in time, with the monitor watching the kids in between.
Before acting on any of these suggestions, make sure to contact your family law attorney to help guide you through the legal process so that you do not put you or your child in any unnecessary harm.
Domestic Violence and Family Law Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) – A crisis intervention and referral phone line for domestic violence. (Texas Council on Family Violence)
- Divorce Law Firm - The divorce lawyers at Boyd Law have successfully handled every type of divorce, custody, and family law type of case you can think of. Contact them for a free legal consultation, today.
