Three things to do for a friend in grief

Kim Hamer, Widow & Founder of "Exactly What They Need", shares advice the three best ways to help a friend who is going through a crisis
The Three Best Things To Do To Help A Friend In Grief
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Three things to do for a friend in grief

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Here are the three best ways to help a friend who is going through a crisis. The first one is to do it for yourself. If you are doing it to get in with your friend; if you are doing it to get a pat on the back from your friends; if you are doing it for other people around you; if you're doing it because you want someone around you to acknowledge what you are doing, don't do it. Your friend in crisis is incapable of giving you anything. She's internal and needs support. So make sure you are doing it for yourself. The second thing is be persistent. When was the last time you let anyone help you? When was the last time you accepted offers of help? Sometimes it takes several times before the person is able to allow you to help them. The third thing is trust that your friend has you in her life for a reason. Most of us will never know why our friends likes us, but we need to trust that they do like us. Insert yourself in there. There is something they like about you. Insert that something in there and let them know that you are there to support them.

Kim Hamer, Widow & Founder of "Exactly What They Need", shares advice the three best ways to help a friend who is going through a crisis

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Kim Hamer

100 Acts of Love: A Girlfriend's Guide to Loving A Friend Through Cancer or Loss

Kim Hamer is the author of 100 Acts of Love: A Girlfriend's Guide to Loving Your Friend through Cancer or Loss, a modern, essential how-to guide offering tips on what to say (and NOT to say), and specific ways to support and love a friend, co-worker or family member who is coping with cancer, loss or any crisis.

Kim Hamer became a widow after her 44-year old husband lost his life to cancer. Their children were 12, 9 and 7 at the time. Before and after her husband’s death, friends and supporters came up with unique, creative and simple ways to help her family. She called them “acts of love” because it’s what they felt like.

Her book is a fun, straightforward compilation of many of those acts. The mission of “100 Acts of Love” is to help everyone understand and embrace their importance in the lives of their friend in crisis and to provide the tools and courage needed to support them in a truly meaningful and helpful way.

More Parenting Videos from Kim Hamer >
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Transcription: 
Here are the three best ways to help a friend who is going through a crisis. The first one is to do it for yourself. If you are doing it to get in with your friend; if you are doing it to get a pat on the back from your friends; if you are doing it for other people around you; if you're doing it because you want someone around you to acknowledge what you are doing, don't do it. Your friend in crisis is incapable of giving you anything. She's internal and needs support. So make sure you are doing it for yourself. The second thing is be persistent. When was the last time you let anyone help you? When was the last time you accepted offers of help? Sometimes it takes several times before the person is able to allow you to help them. The third thing is trust that your friend has you in her life for a reason. Most of us will never know why our friends likes us, but we need to trust that they do like us. Insert yourself in there. There is something they like about you. Insert that something in there and let them know that you are there to support them.