How boys and girls use sexting

Rosalind Wiseman, Bestselling Author and Educator, shares advice for parents on what to do if you discover your child has been sexting and the best way to talk to them about it
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How boys and girls use sexting

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Sort of the most uncomfortable things that you might have to encounter as a parent is finding out that your child has received or even sent a sexually inappropriate picture to another kid at school or somewhere in their life. I want to distinguish for you all the difference between that. On is the... And this is going to make the parents feel probably very uncomfortable is that children have grown up online and so the way in which they flirt and the way in which they have courtship also takes place online and sometimes when they do that can be pretty sexual in nature and that is one of the way in which sexting occurs but there's no sense of it being against somebody's values or that somebody was not consensual getting those pictures it's part of flirting. I know that makes parent uncomfortable but it is the truth. The other part of sexting is somebody says; I love you I love you I love you so much and I really need it you’re so beautiful please send this to me, and girls who are big pleasers who really want to please to start pleasing with their sixth grade to their friends and now pleasing boys as they get older will send a picture and what they usually do is they'll send a naked picture of like you know their torso up to their head but like the kissy lips. If you find out that your daughter has send a picture like this because the boy now forward it to everybody he knows this can be really embarrassing. And she can say I never thought that he was going to forward it, but in fact because children know that pretty much everything is online she insist are that she did know that it is possible for it to be forwarded it just got out of control and now she's really embarrassed. So one of the things I would tell her because the people are going to make fun of her about it at school. Is that she can say to people; yes you're right. I took the picture, I sent it, I'm now really embarrassed, you're contributing to me being so embarrassed I don't know if that's the goal but that's the way I feel. Do with that what you want. If your son gets a picture of that unsolicited, he just got a naked picture of somebody that can be very shocking to him. What I would say to boys and I have 2 sons myself and I would say; okay, you have 1 minute to look this picture because I that you are a human being but delete it after 1 minute because if you don’t delete it, you are going to forget about it and chances are I don't know why or how it's going to end up at your phone is in your pant pocket and I am going to be washing your clothes and I pick out your phone and somehow I'm going to open your phone and I see this picture, you don't want me to see that picture. So delete it.

Rosalind Wiseman, Bestselling Author and Educator, shares advice for parents on what to do if you discover your child has been sexting and the best way to talk to them about it

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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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Transcription: 
Sort of the most uncomfortable things that you might have to encounter as a parent is finding out that your child has received or even sent a sexually inappropriate picture to another kid at school or somewhere in their life. I want to distinguish for you all the difference between that. On is the... And this is going to make the parents feel probably very uncomfortable is that children have grown up online and so the way in which they flirt and the way in which they have courtship also takes place online and sometimes when they do that can be pretty sexual in nature and that is one of the way in which sexting occurs but there's no sense of it being against somebody's values or that somebody was not consensual getting those pictures it's part of flirting. I know that makes parent uncomfortable but it is the truth. The other part of sexting is somebody says; I love you I love you I love you so much and I really need it you’re so beautiful please send this to me, and girls who are big pleasers who really want to please to start pleasing with their sixth grade to their friends and now pleasing boys as they get older will send a picture and what they usually do is they'll send a naked picture of like you know their torso up to their head but like the kissy lips. If you find out that your daughter has send a picture like this because the boy now forward it to everybody he knows this can be really embarrassing. And she can say I never thought that he was going to forward it, but in fact because children know that pretty much everything is online she insist are that she did know that it is possible for it to be forwarded it just got out of control and now she's really embarrassed. So one of the things I would tell her because the people are going to make fun of her about it at school. Is that she can say to people; yes you're right. I took the picture, I sent it, I'm now really embarrassed, you're contributing to me being so embarrassed I don't know if that's the goal but that's the way I feel. Do with that what you want. If your son gets a picture of that unsolicited, he just got a naked picture of somebody that can be very shocking to him. What I would say to boys and I have 2 sons myself and I would say; okay, you have 1 minute to look this picture because I that you are a human being but delete it after 1 minute because if you don’t delete it, you are going to forget about it and chances are I don't know why or how it's going to end up at your phone is in your pant pocket and I am going to be washing your clothes and I pick out your phone and somehow I'm going to open your phone and I see this picture, you don't want me to see that picture. So delete it.