Conveying your thoughts on sex and abstinence

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Conveying your thoughts on sex and abstinence

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The best way to convey your hopes and dreams for your kids in terms of how long they wait until they have sex is to just tell them and be honest with them and say, “Our expectation is that you’ll wait until you’re out of high school, you wait until you’re married. That’s our expectation.” Kids like to hear this. It helps them when they’re making decisions later on down the line about whether or not they’re going to become sexually active. So it’s okay to be clear, but then you also need to remember that your kids are going to do what they’re going to do, so the key to helping them wait longer is to talk to them a lot about the importance of waiting. Why it’s important to wait. Marriage is not compelling for teenagers, so why is marriage the goal? What does it mean when someone is ready for sex? Talk about those sorts of things with your children and that will help them to wait.

Watch Amy Lang, MA's video on Conveying your thoughts on sex and abstinence...

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Amy Lang, MA

Sex Education Expert

Despite her 16 years of experience as a sexual health educator, Amy Lang found herself completely tongue-tied when her four year old son had "something very important" to tell her about his penis. Shocked by her discomfort, she realized if she was struggling, other parents must be too. Amy also holds an MA in Applied Behavioral Science and her focus was in adult education and group facilitation. She decided to combine her love of sex talking and her love of working with adults and started Birds + Bees + Kids in 2006.

Amy is a three time Mom’s Choice Award winner for her book, Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids - A Guide To Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love and Relationships and DVD, Birds + Bees + Kids - The Basics. She is also the author of the book, Say What?! The Birds + Bees for Progressive Parents - What to Say and How to Say It!

She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Seattle Magazine, Parent Map magazine and has contributed to a gazillion other publications. Sex advice guru Dan Savage says “Amy is a parent’s best friend-with-benefits when it comes to talking to kids about sex.” 

Though Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy helps parents of all beliefs have easy, open and effective conversations about sexuality, love and relationships with their kids. She offers talks, workshops, one-on-one consultations and live webcasts. Amy is also the co-founder of MamaCON - Inspiration and Tools for Modern Moms, a conference supporting the hard work of moms everywhere.

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Transcription: 
The best way to convey your hopes and dreams for your kids in terms of how long they wait until they have sex is to just tell them and be honest with them and say, “Our expectation is that you’ll wait until you’re out of high school, you wait until you’re married. That’s our expectation.” Kids like to hear this. It helps them when they’re making decisions later on down the line about whether or not they’re going to become sexually active. So it’s okay to be clear, but then you also need to remember that your kids are going to do what they’re going to do, so the key to helping them wait longer is to talk to them a lot about the importance of waiting. Why it’s important to wait. Marriage is not compelling for teenagers, so why is marriage the goal? What does it mean when someone is ready for sex? Talk about those sorts of things with your children and that will help them to wait.