I do this fun exercise with kids where I say, "Okay, sit in your chair the way you think a typical guy sits in his chair", and all the girls start laughing hysterically and they all sit like this, they're all open, they like slouch down in their chairs, and they open up and there's like, "yeah". Then when I say, "Sit in your chair the way a typical girl sits in her chair", they all sit up very straight and they cross their legs and put their hands on their knees and they just are stock still. Can we talk about the difference? Girls are expected to hold themselves in; they're supposed to act like others are watching. They're supposed to really be contained, not speak up too much through that posture, and I use that exercise as a way to talk about the pressure to be a good girl-to be polite, to be a rule follower, to be a pleaser- and girls internalize those messages at incredibly early ages. So, what we want is for girls to both become aware of that, to understand what it means to grow up female in this culture-which is why I talk with parents about why we've got to talk with girls about cultural messages-but we also want girls to embrace the idea of an authentic girl, of a real girl. And that is a girl who, rather than worrying, is everyone gonna like me? Am I doing the right thing? That girl thinks about what do I want to do right now? Do I like the people I’m seeing? Am I sure that I want to hang out with them? What do I think and feel in this moment? Do I need to say something about that? So this is a girl-the authentic girl, the real girl-who’s connected to herself, who’s comfortable speaking and not necessarily fearing what others are going to say, and who sometimes, decides not to be a pleaser or be polite all the time but instead takes a stand. One of the best ways to cultivate real girls is to make sure that girls have role models around them who are embracing these qualities, who assert themselves, who don’t shut down and become silent when they’re upset but instead, articulate their feelings; who are willing to make a little bit of a mess and play if that means having fun and embracing the joy of the moment rather than needing to have a perfectly neat house. When girls see adults around them embracing those qualities of authenticity they are so much more likely to embrace them themselves.