Teenage rebellion and boundaries

Douglas Green, MFT Adolescent Therapist, shares advice for parents on why teenager's rebel and the best methods for disciplining your teen and keeping rebellion in check
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Teenage rebellion and boundaries

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How do you control your teenager? You can't. The fact is, 95 percent of the time, you don't want to. A teenager's job is to rebel. Try to define themselves in ways that they weren't able to as children. This is a major stepping stone in their life. Your job is to keep them safe. You want to keep them safe from things in the real world. You want to keep them safe from other kids hurting them. You want to keep themselves from the knuckleheaded things that they want to do, in their journey to self-definition. The way to accomplish this, is to set boundaries; clear, strong boundaries. Here is the hard part. What you want to set is boundaries that are so strict, that if they break some of them -- because they will -- they don't cause damage to themselves that's too much, that would cause them to suffer for the rest of their lives; but also, loose enough, that they have some room to move around and grow, during the times that they aren't trying to rebel. If you can accomplish that, it will be great. They will still accuse you of trying to control every bit of their lives. That's their job, too.

Douglas Green, MFT Adolescent Therapist, shares advice for parents on why teenager's rebel and the best methods for disciplining your teen and keeping rebellion in check

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Douglas Green, MFT

Child Therapist

Douglas Green left a successful career as a writer and director of film, stage and television to become a Psychotherapist, specializing in helping children and teenagers live lives they can be proud of.  He has a degree in Drama Therapy, and uses creative active techniques often in his work.  He has extensive experience in working with numerous childhood issues, such as ADHD, autism, Asperger's, depression, anxiety, and recovery from physical, sexual, and emotional Abuse.  He works at two offices, one in Woodland Hills, CA and one in West Los Angeles, CA, and is an Adjunct Professor at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

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Transcription: 
How do you control your teenager? You can't. The fact is, 95 percent of the time, you don't want to. A teenager's job is to rebel. Try to define themselves in ways that they weren't able to as children. This is a major stepping stone in their life. Your job is to keep them safe. You want to keep them safe from things in the real world. You want to keep them safe from other kids hurting them. You want to keep themselves from the knuckleheaded things that they want to do, in their journey to self-definition. The way to accomplish this, is to set boundaries; clear, strong boundaries. Here is the hard part. What you want to set is boundaries that are so strict, that if they break some of them -- because they will -- they don't cause damage to themselves that's too much, that would cause them to suffer for the rest of their lives; but also, loose enough, that they have some room to move around and grow, during the times that they aren't trying to rebel. If you can accomplish that, it will be great. They will still accuse you of trying to control every bit of their lives. That's their job, too.