Pros and cons of different types of donors

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice on the advantages and disadvantages of choosing different types of sperm donors
The Pros & Cons of Different Types of Sperm Donors
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Pros and cons of different types of donors

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When you are choosing a donor, there are three types of donors. There is totally anonymous. There is a "yes" or an identity release donor. And there is somebody you know. There are pros and cons for each of those. There are legal issues for each of those and emotional issues. You kind of have to weigh the risks of using a known donor, who has clear expectations, but once the baby is there, has some other ideas; versus having a totally anonymous donor that you can never meet, and in between. Meeting the donor, but it not being someone you know and having the donor be willing to meet your child when they turn 18. There is a risk analysis decision that you have to make, and it's a very personal one, in terms of what is the most important to you. Knowing the donor, allowing the child to grow up knowing the donor, or not having a third person, potentially, in your life that thinks they have a bigger role than you would want. That's the continuum of decision making.

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice on the advantages and disadvantages of choosing different types of sperm donors

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Kim Bergman, PhD

Family Therapist

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published "Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood" (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters. 

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Transcription: 
When you are choosing a donor, there are three types of donors. There is totally anonymous. There is a "yes" or an identity release donor. And there is somebody you know. There are pros and cons for each of those. There are legal issues for each of those and emotional issues. You kind of have to weigh the risks of using a known donor, who has clear expectations, but once the baby is there, has some other ideas; versus having a totally anonymous donor that you can never meet, and in between. Meeting the donor, but it not being someone you know and having the donor be willing to meet your child when they turn 18. There is a risk analysis decision that you have to make, and it's a very personal one, in terms of what is the most important to you. Knowing the donor, allowing the child to grow up knowing the donor, or not having a third person, potentially, in your life that thinks they have a bigger role than you would want. That's the continuum of decision making.