Empowering kids

Psychotherapist & Author Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, shares advice for parents on the best ways to empower your kids and learn to do things for themselves
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Empowering kids

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One of the best ways we can empower kids is to let them do things for themselves. Sometimes, as parents, there's this temptation to kind of rush in and rescue them and do things for them because it's quicker or easier, or we have some anxiety that they won't do it just right and we want it done just right. But actually, by letting them do things on their own and struggling a little bit with a moderate amount of frustration is one of the best things for them, because then they can gain mastery and that's how they feel powerful and empowered. Additionally, I would say don't create a bubble world for them. If they get disappointed because they didn't get invited to a birthday party, don't call the mom up and ask her to send an additional invitation. When they feel these hard, difficult feelings and they work through them that builds resilience – it allows them to be handling things that are difficult in the future. And the last thing I would say is allow them to help you. You can ask them, "You know, hey, I'm having a hard time with this decision. Do you have any ideas or what would you do?" And ask them to be a collaborator and contributor to you, not just around the house but even things that you're thinking about. And when they see that we need them and we value their opinion that empowers them as well.

Psychotherapist & Author Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, shares advice for parents on the best ways to empower your kids and learn to do things for themselves

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Tina Payne Bryson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Author

Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, is a psychotherapist at Pediatric and Adolescent Psychology Associates in Arcadia, California, where she sees children and adolescents, as well as provides parenting consultations. She is the school counselor at St. Marks Episcopal School in Altadena, CA, and a Developmental Consultant to Camp Chippewa for Boys. She speaks to parents, educators, and clinicians all across the country. Dr. Bryson earned her PhD from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology. Her best-selling book The Whole-Brain Child (co-authored with Dr. Dan Siegel) gives parents practical ways to transform difficult moments into opportunities for children to thrive.  Dr. Bryson has written for a large number of publications, most recently the PBS series “This Emotional Life.”  She lives near Los Angeles with her husband and three children.  

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Transcription: 
One of the best ways we can empower kids is to let them do things for themselves. Sometimes, as parents, there's this temptation to kind of rush in and rescue them and do things for them because it's quicker or easier, or we have some anxiety that they won't do it just right and we want it done just right. But actually, by letting them do things on their own and struggling a little bit with a moderate amount of frustration is one of the best things for them, because then they can gain mastery and that's how they feel powerful and empowered. Additionally, I would say don't create a bubble world for them. If they get disappointed because they didn't get invited to a birthday party, don't call the mom up and ask her to send an additional invitation. When they feel these hard, difficult feelings and they work through them that builds resilience – it allows them to be handling things that are difficult in the future. And the last thing I would say is allow them to help you. You can ask them, "You know, hey, I'm having a hard time with this decision. Do you have any ideas or what would you do?" And ask them to be a collaborator and contributor to you, not just around the house but even things that you're thinking about. And when they see that we need them and we value their opinion that empowers them as well.