What not to say to a friend dealing with loss

Kim Hamer, Widow & Founder of "Exactly What They Need", shares advice on what you should be sure not to say to a friend dealing with a loss
What Not To Say To A Friend Dealing With A Loss
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What not to say to a friend dealing with loss

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There are a couple of key phrases that you want to stay away from when someone has just had a death or a cancer prognosis in their family. First of all, don't tell them that it's God's will because they may be pretty angry at God. Second of all, don't tell them that this is part of their great journey and they will learn something great at the end of the line because they would easily give up that lesson to go back to the way their life was. Don't tell them that they will be okay because, usually right then and there, they don't feel like they are going to be okay. I had someone come up to me, two months after my husband died, and tell me, "You know what, Kim, you're young, you're beautiful. You'll get another husband." That was not my issue. Acknowledge their loss, acknowledge their feelings because, right then and there, it's not better.

Kim Hamer, Widow & Founder of "Exactly What They Need", shares advice on what you should be sure not to say to a friend dealing with a loss

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Kim Hamer

100 Acts of Love: A Girlfriend's Guide to Loving A Friend Through Cancer or Loss

Kim Hamer is the author of 100 Acts of Love: A Girlfriend's Guide to Loving Your Friend through Cancer or Loss, a modern, essential how-to guide offering tips on what to say (and NOT to say), and specific ways to support and love a friend, co-worker or family member who is coping with cancer, loss or any crisis.

Kim Hamer became a widow after her 44-year old husband lost his life to cancer. Their children were 12, 9 and 7 at the time. Before and after her husband’s death, friends and supporters came up with unique, creative and simple ways to help her family. She called them “acts of love” because it’s what they felt like.

Her book is a fun, straightforward compilation of many of those acts. The mission of “100 Acts of Love” is to help everyone understand and embrace their importance in the lives of their friend in crisis and to provide the tools and courage needed to support them in a truly meaningful and helpful way.

More Parenting Videos from Kim Hamer >
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Transcription: 
There are a couple of key phrases that you want to stay away from when someone has just had a death or a cancer prognosis in their family. First of all, don't tell them that it's God's will because they may be pretty angry at God. Second of all, don't tell them that this is part of their great journey and they will learn something great at the end of the line because they would easily give up that lesson to go back to the way their life was. Don't tell them that they will be okay because, usually right then and there, they don't feel like they are going to be okay. I had someone come up to me, two months after my husband died, and tell me, "You know what, Kim, you're young, you're beautiful. You'll get another husband." That was not my issue. Acknowledge their loss, acknowledge their feelings because, right then and there, it's not better.