Mixed emotions about becoming a parent to twins

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents who are unsure and have mixed emotions when they find out that they are having twins and the difficulties that come with twins
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Mixed emotions about becoming a parent to twins

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It is expectable to be ambivalent about becoming a parent to twins. Being ambivalent means that you have positive and negative feelings that co-exist, without cancelling the other out. For instance, I love vegetables, but I hate broccoli. I love being a mom and I love my children, but miss being able to go to the bathroom on my own time or waking up to an alarm clock instead of crying babies. Or sipping coffee leisurely, while I'm reading my email. In order to take care of two babies at the same time, you have to give up and delay so many of your own needs. It's normal that, over a course of time, you are going to feel resentful and angry about having to do this. This doesn't mean you are a bad mother, and you don't love your babies. It just means that you are adjusting to a lot of new situations. You are dealing with a situation where you are responsible. You are dealing with a lot of unknowns. You have had no idea what to do. Of course, it does get better and more enjoyable.

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents who are unsure and have mixed emotions when they find out that they are having twins and the difficulties that come with twins

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Joan Friedman, PhD

Psychologist & Twin Expert

Dr. Joan A. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights about twins and their emotional needs with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twin sons, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin related matters such as school placements, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.

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Transcription: 
It is expectable to be ambivalent about becoming a parent to twins. Being ambivalent means that you have positive and negative feelings that co-exist, without cancelling the other out. For instance, I love vegetables, but I hate broccoli. I love being a mom and I love my children, but miss being able to go to the bathroom on my own time or waking up to an alarm clock instead of crying babies. Or sipping coffee leisurely, while I'm reading my email. In order to take care of two babies at the same time, you have to give up and delay so many of your own needs. It's normal that, over a course of time, you are going to feel resentful and angry about having to do this. This doesn't mean you are a bad mother, and you don't love your babies. It just means that you are adjusting to a lot of new situations. You are dealing with a situation where you are responsible. You are dealing with a lot of unknowns. You have had no idea what to do. Of course, it does get better and more enjoyable.