Dealing with a bio-mom has its share of challenges. It is not easy. I think it is the role of the step-mom to make it as easy as possible for the sake of the kids. This can take time. Be fair with yourself and realize that you might have issues with her. She might not be kind to you. You might not like her, but at the end of the day, you have to keep the kids first. Realize that any interaction between you and their bio-mom is going to affect them. If you insult her, you insult her kids. You certainly don't want that. It is important to remain cordial and respectful at all costs. After all, she was the one that brought them into this world so that you could be a part of their life. To remember that, it will definitely heighten your ability to be respectful of her. The other thing that is important is to make sure that dad is the key contact. He should be the messenger. He should be the one relaying information to her, so that you don't need to. When you do need to cross paths at drop off or pick up, always offer a very kind, respectful "hello." No matter how she responds, you have modeled for your kids, the best way to go.