Divorced and buying love with presents

Joline Godfrey, Author & CEO of Independent Means, shares advice for divorced parents on what to do when your ex is buying your children's love with presents
Divorced And Your Ex Is Buying Children's Love With Presents
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Divorced and buying love with presents

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One of the hardest situations families, formally married families deal with, is what happens when one partner is indulging the child's every whim and you're trying to exercise financial responsibility. In those situations, again, what we talk about is the importance of being consistent and responsible. I don't think that it's useful to be critical of the other parent of the child, because you put the child in an impossible situation. That's not to say you shouldn't try to talk to the spouse and see if you can come to some shared vision on the values you want to raise that child with. And sometimes appealing to the ex, on the grounds of values, will have some effect, but I think what I keep coming back to is that how you model behavior and how you engage with that child is the secret to what's going to happen to that kid over the long haul. Short term, they may in fact show really bad behaviors because they're getting these mixed signals, but that doesn't mean that exercising all our word with our ex is gonna make that any better, I think consistency is in fact where you need to be.

Joline Godfrey, Author & CEO of Independent Means, shares advice for divorced parents on what to do when your ex is buying your children's love with presents

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Joline Godfrey

CEO of Independent Means

Joline Godfrey is the CEO of Independent Means and the author of Raising Financially Fit Kids; Our Wildest Dreams: Women Making Money, Having Fun, Doing Good; No More Frogs To Kiss: 99 Ways to Give Economic Power to Girls; andTwenty $ecrets to Money and Independence: The DollarDiva’s Guide to Life.

A clinical social worker by training, at the beginning of her career, Godfrey was an executive of the Polaroid Corporation where she provided in-house family and therapeutic services to officers and employees. One of the first women in the nation to manage a spin-off from a Fortune 500 company, she launched Odysseum, a spin-off from Polaroid, and sold it in 1990. Odysseum was a creativity training company serving other Fortune 500 firms.

Godfrey is a graduate of the University of Maine and Boston University and was awarded an Honorary Degree in Business from Bentley College in 1995. She was a Kellogg Leadership Fellow and the recipient of the Leavey Award for Excellence, as well as the Beta Gamma Sigma Entrepreneurship Award.

Recognized in features for The Today Show, Oprah, Fortune, Business Week, The New York Times, and more, Ms. Godfrey is a frequent speaker and consultant worldwide. Godfrey grew up in a family business in Maine and lives in Ojai, CA.

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Transcription: 
One of the hardest situations families, formally married families deal with, is what happens when one partner is indulging the child's every whim and you're trying to exercise financial responsibility. In those situations, again, what we talk about is the importance of being consistent and responsible. I don't think that it's useful to be critical of the other parent of the child, because you put the child in an impossible situation. That's not to say you shouldn't try to talk to the spouse and see if you can come to some shared vision on the values you want to raise that child with. And sometimes appealing to the ex, on the grounds of values, will have some effect, but I think what I keep coming back to is that how you model behavior and how you engage with that child is the secret to what's going to happen to that kid over the long haul. Short term, they may in fact show really bad behaviors because they're getting these mixed signals, but that doesn't mean that exercising all our word with our ex is gonna make that any better, I think consistency is in fact where you need to be.