Disciplining adopted children

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Disciplining adopted children

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Discipling a child who has come out of foster care or was adopted is different. We don´t want to rely on traditional parenting because the research shows it is not effective because traditional parenting tactics include time outs. Time outs for a foster or adopted child be will emotionally, psychologically damaging because what we are teaching the child is you are not worthy of my attention. Your feelings are not worthy so therefore you are not worthy. And what it causes is actually more enraged feelings from the child and the child acts out more. Traditionally and what works with these kids is a non traditional approach, which is time in parenting, connecting with the child, helping them make sense of their experience, helping them learn better mechanisms for coping so that they can rely on themselves, be resilient and know what to do in the face of their own emotional life, which is challenging. And it´s a practice that they need to learn for the rest of their lives.

See Jeanette Yoffe, MA, MFT's video on Disciplining adopted children...

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Jeanette Yoffe, MA, MFT

Adoption & Family Therapist

Jeanette Yoffe earned her master's degree in Clinical Psychology, specializing in children, from Antioch University. She treats children with serious psychological problems secondary to histories of abuse, neglect, and or multiple placements. Jeanette's desire to become a child therapist with a special focus on adopted and foster care issues derived from her own experience of being adopted and moving through the foster care system. She runs a monthly support group called Adopt Salon for all members of the adoption triad in Los Angeles.

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Transcription: 
Discipling a child who has come out of foster care or was adopted is different. We don´t want to rely on traditional parenting because the research shows it is not effective because traditional parenting tactics include time outs. Time outs for a foster or adopted child be will emotionally, psychologically damaging because what we are teaching the child is you are not worthy of my attention. Your feelings are not worthy so therefore you are not worthy. And what it causes is actually more enraged feelings from the child and the child acts out more. Traditionally and what works with these kids is a non traditional approach, which is time in parenting, connecting with the child, helping them make sense of their experience, helping them learn better mechanisms for coping so that they can rely on themselves, be resilient and know what to do in the face of their own emotional life, which is challenging. And it´s a practice that they need to learn for the rest of their lives.