When parents try and talk to their kids about drug and alcohol issues, it's really important that they strive to form a unified message which they can deliver to their children together. This doesn't mean they have to abandon their individual viewpoints as parents. What it means they need to work with their partner so they can arrive at a uniform message that they can then deliver together. When one parent is sticking to one viewpoint, and the other parent insists on sticking to theirs, what you arrive out is what you call mixed messaging. Kids do not thrive well on mixed message environments. They thrive on patterns and predictability, so when you are talking to your kids, you want to make sure you have a uniform message. You can imagine how difficult it would be for a kid if one parent had a strict non-use policy and the other had a laissez-faire, hands-off policy, the kids would experience a lot of turmoil trying to figure out which parent was right. This can be really difficult for divorced parents to do. It's hard when you're going through a divorce not to play that "nice guy" card, to play the easy parent card, the pal card. When you do that, here's the problem, it doesn't serve your kids well to play the nice guy around the issue of drugs and alcohol. It can actually harm them over the long term. It's really irresponsible and immature to try and undercut the other parent with your "nice guy" act when they are trying to keep their kids safe with their non-use insistence.