When your child is a bully

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When your child is a bully

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If your child is the bully, I think the first step is to figure out what is going on at home. Often times, bullies feel like they need to have a sense of control and power. The first place the might not feel that is at home. A sibling may be bullying them at home or they may have an uncomfortable relationship with a caregiver. The second thing that may be happening is they are actually being bullied at school. So their way to maintain a sense of control is to start bullying someone else. That's called a bully/victim relationship. The third thing that may have happened is they have lost control internally. They may feel anxious, depressed, or have something going on within themselves. The way that they can maintain control is to exert it outwards. You need to identify if there is something going on internally. Then once you've figured out if there is something going on in the academic environment, if there's something going on in the peer environment, if there's something going on in the home environment, you can decide what the appropriate intervention is for your child.

Watch Stephanie Mihalas, PhD, NCSP's video on When your child is a bully...

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Stephanie Mihalas, PhD, NCSP

Child Psychologist

Dr. Stephanie Mihalas is a licensed psychologist and a nationally certified school psychologist. Mihalas is the founder of The Center for Well-Being: Psychological Services for Children, Youth, and Families in Los Angeles, CA. Mihalas treats a wide variety of children and adolescents ranging as young as two through the later adolescent years utilizing evidenced-based interventions. Mihalas also provides school consultation. The primary focus of Mihalas' research background is in relational and physical aggression. She presents at national and state conferences and is published in peer-reviewed journals and book chapters. She also frequently engages in print and radio media ventures and has been in magazines such as Teen Vogue and Parents. Mihalas completed her postgraduate work at the Kennedy Krieger Institute at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

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Transcription: 
If your child is the bully, I think the first step is to figure out what is going on at home. Often times, bullies feel like they need to have a sense of control and power. The first place the might not feel that is at home. A sibling may be bullying them at home or they may have an uncomfortable relationship with a caregiver. The second thing that may be happening is they are actually being bullied at school. So their way to maintain a sense of control is to start bullying someone else. That's called a bully/victim relationship. The third thing that may have happened is they have lost control internally. They may feel anxious, depressed, or have something going on within themselves. The way that they can maintain control is to exert it outwards. You need to identify if there is something going on internally. Then once you've figured out if there is something going on in the academic environment, if there's something going on in the peer environment, if there's something going on in the home environment, you can decide what the appropriate intervention is for your child.