Listen up, parents! The United States leads the industrialized world in teen pregnancies, STDs, and abortions. Teens are having sex at younger ages, with more partners, and with less protection. What can you do to keep your child safe? Talk to them about sex early, says psychologist and sex therapist, Sheila Kayem. Talk to them about sex early and often.
Most American teens have intercourse for the first time around age 17, however they may start engaging in sexual activity as early as age 13, according to sex education expert, Amy Lang.
“By the time kids are between the ages of 13 and 16, they really start to develop their sexual muscles, so they are fooling around, they are making out with their boyfriends, or in some cases with people they don't know well at all,” explains Lang. No two teenagers are alike, so it is important to understand your teenage’s unique sexuality and sexual activity to help prevent teen pregnancy and STD’s. Speaking to your teen about their sexuality or sexual responsibilities is not equal to give giving them permission to become sexually active or promiscuous. “The Talk” looks different for every family and should reflect the values you are trying to pass down to your child. However, all conversations about sex with your child or teen should focus on giving them tools to handle every situation that comes along with being sexually active or choosing celibacy.
“Talk about what a relationship really is and what a good relationship looks like,” suggests Dr. Diane Tanaka, adolescent medicine physician.
What is a healthy relationship? To Dr. Tanaka, it’s a relationship founded upon trust, respect, and true intimacy.
The best thing parents can do to prevent their child from becoming a teen parent is to have open and honest communication about sex, when it's age appropriate. As a family, decide what your values are such as abstinence, safe sex or both.
“I believe you should tell your child about all of their options,” suggests teen mom Aaliyah Noble.
If you discover that your child is sexually active, even if you deem it too early, you want to make sure that they're armed with all the information they need. However, giving your teenage daughter birth control or your son a condom won’t suffice because it may send the message that that’s all they need to protect themselves.
“Sometimes, contraceptives or protection plans don’t work out for them, and they contract an STD or they get someone pregnant or they themselves get pregnant,” says Dr. Kayem. On the positive side, research does show that among teens whose parents discussed contraceptive use with them, that those teens are much more likely to use contraceptives the first time they have sex.
“Whether you decide to give your teen contraceptives or not, do have the talk about it,” recommends Kayem. Need more help getting the conversation started? Check out these tips on talking to your kids about sex.
