My name is Dr. Claus. I'm an expert on children and their behavior and basically the advantage of reward. My research has been going on for well, it's close to 300 years now, and trying to find children of all ages all around the world, consistencies. But I've also done quite a few experiments on elves. Elves mimic children in an enormous number of ways with the exception of their pointy ears and their ability to work for 20 hours a day without whining. [laughs] They whine. They whine a lot. We share our enormous house without about 64K elves. Try getting on the Obama Care website for 64K elves! Whose idea was the black t-shirt anyway? Can I get some makeup? Somebody please, my nose. I feel like Rudolph, a little shiny. Thank you. Let me just say this once and for all, screw the elves. They've unionized. They're asking more for every year. They're a big problem. I'm the one doing the work. I'm the one traveling around the world - me and those damn reindeer. By the way, let me just be frank. Reindeer don't live forever. Every once and while one dies. He becomes the new Dasher or Donner or Blitzen. There have been 100s of 1000s of reindeer over the years. I just keep giving them the same old names. Well, we want to know how kids today are different than when I started out all those years ago. And the truth is, kids are basically the same as they've always been. Awful, just awful little creatures. How I got this job, I just don't know. That's what makes me a saint, I think, actually. The fact that I do it every year. Don't forget, ho-ho-ho backwards is oh-oh-oh. If I had known then what I would be getting into all these 100s of years later I'm not so sure I would have done it. Everything bigger and better. What's wrong with the choo-choo? It used to be fine to bring a choo-choo. Now they expect more. And there's iPad, and iPod and iWant and iWant. You know, these kids today they leave me cookies every night. I come down the chimney at Christmas time. Ah, it's gluten-free this and fat-free that and - these parents these days are ruining Christmas. Give me a big fat butter cookie and you'll get a better gift. I'll tell you that much. [laughs] A little gas.