Is it important for me to know everything that happened that in the affair? Does my partner have to come clean in order for me to move on? This is a really important thing, because it might feel like I need to know all the details of what happened in your affair in order for us to survive this and move on. But I want to caution you. When you ask questions about your partner's affair, stop for a moment and think, do I really wan to know the answer to this? Because once you have the answer, it's always in your head. You can never get rid of it. You don't get rid of the picture in your mind once it's there. So be really cautious about the information that you ask for. Is this really the question that you want the answer to? Are you looking for something else? Instead of how many times did you sleep with them, and where did you have sex, is what you're really looking for, were you thinking about me when you were with her? Were you ever wondering what it was like to be with her when you were with me? Did you ever think when you came home that you regretted being with that other person? Think clearly about what the answer is that you're really looking for, because once you have that in your mind, you can't get past it. And it doesn't necessarily mean if you have every piece of information and every detail about the affair that you'll be satisfied. Because frankly, it's almost like a well that you can never get to the bottom of. What you really want to know, the bottom line, is really why. Why did you do this to me? Why did this happen to us? And I can tell you that move from the crisis of the affair into the next phase of recovery when you start referring to the refer as our affair. Why did this affair happen to us instead of your affair. And that will happen.