Having a relationship with a partner who is too attached to their parent

Psychologist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD describes the conflict which arises when your partner is too attached to one or both of his parents
Relationship Advice | When your partner is too attached to his parents
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Having a relationship with a partner who is too attached to their parent

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So what are some of the problems that a couple has where one of the partners is still bonded or attached too much to a parent? Well, the obvious one is, is that in order for a relationship to function, a romantic primary attachment the loyalty has to be to each other first and foremost. So when it comes time to make plans for vacation, often times the man or the woman who's linked to the mother or father are checking in with them first. And so what happens is, is the partner, or the wife, or the husband of the immeshed man or woman feels second, feels left out of the decision making process, becomes resentful that they have to put up with this. And there's alot of conflict that begins to ensue and what happens is it feels too that relationship as if the mother or father has inserted themselves right in the marriage, right in the coupleship, and so what happens is, is the adults never have a clean relationship between each other.

Psychologist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD describes the conflict which arises when your partner is too attached to one or both of his parents

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Kenneth M. Adams, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., CSAT, is a Licensed Psychologist, the Clinical Director and Founder of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in suburban Detroit, Michigan, as well as a faculty member at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals. As previous Clinical Director for the Life Healing Center in Sante Fe, New Mexico, a residential treatment center for trauma and addiction, Dr Adams created the first inpatient program exclusively for partners of sex addicts. In addition to maintaining an active clinical practice, Dr. Adams is a national lecturer, workshop leader, and consultant in the areas of child abuse, dysfunctional family systems, and sex addiction. He is the author of numerous peer-reviewed publications, the books Silently Seduced and When He’s Married to Mom, as well as co-editor of Clinical Management of Sex Addiction. In 2011, Dr Adams received the “Carnes Award” for “outstanding work in the field of sexual addiction and compulsivity”. He is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), a CSAT supervisor, and CSAT training facilitator as well as an Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) practitioner. Dr. Adams is a member of the American Psychological Association, Michigan Psychological Association, Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), and International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) as well as an advisory board member to SASH and IITAP, and an editorial board member of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. For more on Dr Adams visit www.drkenadams.com.

 

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Transcription: 
So what are some of the problems that a couple has where one of the partners is still bonded or attached too much to a parent? Well, the obvious one is, is that in order for a relationship to function, a romantic primary attachment the loyalty has to be to each other first and foremost. So when it comes time to make plans for vacation, often times the man or the woman who's linked to the mother or father are checking in with them first. And so what happens is, is the partner, or the wife, or the husband of the immeshed man or woman feels second, feels left out of the decision making process, becomes resentful that they have to put up with this. And there's alot of conflict that begins to ensue and what happens is it feels too that relationship as if the mother or father has inserted themselves right in the marriage, right in the coupleship, and so what happens is, is the adults never have a clean relationship between each other.