Dealing with an affair

Sex addiction specialist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD discusses how couples can start over after an affair, especially when sex addiction has played a role
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Dealing with an affair

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So often times people want to know what's the difference between an affair in relationship in which the affair represents a breakdown in the relationship and it can be something that a couple can learn from, from somebody who say is a sexual addict who has multiple relationships in which there's a different treatment process. So the certainly when there's an addiction, you need addiction approaches and other approaches to manage that long term. There are situations in which couples, there are affairs in which the affair is related to a loss of intimacy and so forth in the relationship and it's more relational in its causative nature. Here's the problem though, even in those situations there is a similarity between that group and the sex addict partner group. Trust is always a casualty in that relationship, even if it was a one time affair. Now, couples can start over, they can begin a new journey. They can learn from it. They can get more intimate, but the wound, the injury to the partner and to the relationship doesn't go away. It has to always be managed and that's true whether there's an addiction or not an addiction.

Sex addiction specialist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD discusses how couples can start over after an affair, especially when sex addiction has played a role

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Kenneth M. Adams, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., CSAT, is a Licensed Psychologist, the Clinical Director and Founder of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in suburban Detroit, Michigan, as well as a faculty member at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals. As previous Clinical Director for the Life Healing Center in Sante Fe, New Mexico, a residential treatment center for trauma and addiction, Dr Adams created the first inpatient program exclusively for partners of sex addicts. In addition to maintaining an active clinical practice, Dr. Adams is a national lecturer, workshop leader, and consultant in the areas of child abuse, dysfunctional family systems, and sex addiction. He is the author of numerous peer-reviewed publications, the books Silently Seduced and When He’s Married to Mom, as well as co-editor of Clinical Management of Sex Addiction. In 2011, Dr Adams received the “Carnes Award” for “outstanding work in the field of sexual addiction and compulsivity”. He is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), a CSAT supervisor, and CSAT training facilitator as well as an Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) practitioner. Dr. Adams is a member of the American Psychological Association, Michigan Psychological Association, Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), and International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) as well as an advisory board member to SASH and IITAP, and an editorial board member of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. For more on Dr Adams visit www.drkenadams.com.

 

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Transcription: 
So often times people want to know what's the difference between an affair in relationship in which the affair represents a breakdown in the relationship and it can be something that a couple can learn from, from somebody who say is a sexual addict who has multiple relationships in which there's a different treatment process. So the certainly when there's an addiction, you need addiction approaches and other approaches to manage that long term. There are situations in which couples, there are affairs in which the affair is related to a loss of intimacy and so forth in the relationship and it's more relational in its causative nature. Here's the problem though, even in those situations there is a similarity between that group and the sex addict partner group. Trust is always a casualty in that relationship, even if it was a one time affair. Now, couples can start over, they can begin a new journey. They can learn from it. They can get more intimate, but the wound, the injury to the partner and to the relationship doesn't go away. It has to always be managed and that's true whether there's an addiction or not an addiction.