How do I help my child feel understood and acknowledged?

Transcription:

I think we all know how important it is to feel understood and acknowledged because we know how important it is for us. But parents often wonder how do I provide this for my child. I think the first step is to really pay attention to what they are communicating, to really listen and to take in what they are expressing. But there is something else that you can do, especially with young children, which is something that I call special time or child-centered activity. And what this involves is setting aside maybe 10 or 15 minutes a day where you turn off the cellphone and you get down on the floor and you play with your child. But you play in a particular way. You do not lead the play. You are not trying to teach or educate or reach any kind of an outcome, but you let the child take the lead. They are the director of the play. And when we do this, it helps children to feel that we are really present with them and if you think about a child´s typical day, so much of what they are doing they are responding to the directions and expectations of the adults that are taking care of them and this turns that on its head. It reverses it and allows them to be in charge if even for a few minutes. And we have found that this kind of regular child centered activity goes a long way toward helping children´s attention and mood and most importantly it improves the quality of the parent child relationship in dramatic ways.

Video Categories: ALL PARENTS, Parenting, Bonding and Communication

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Expert Bio

John Grienenberger, PhD

Family Psychologist

John Grienenberger, PhD, is a psychologist, attachment researcher, and Co-Executive Director of the non-profit Center for Reflective Communities in Los Angeles. He is also a Founder, Executive Director and Clinical Director of Community West, a psychological treatment center for adolescents and young adults in Los Angeles. He has extensive experience in family work, and has trained hundreds of therapists in his mentalization-based approach to working with families. He has authored numerous papers, presentations, and training programs in the areas of psychotherapy, attachment, mentalization, and parenting, and has conducted trainings and presentations both nationally and internationally. He has a part-time private practice in West Los Angeles conducting psychological and psychoeducational testing as well as providing psychotherapy to children, adults, families, and couples. Along with spending time with his children, John also enjoys backpacking, snowboarding, hiking, and mountain biking.