This is so confusing and so messy. Your partner's had an affair. Do you tell your kids? Do you not tell your kids? So, the first thing you've got to do, is you've got to recognize for yourself, that a partner can be a lousy spouse, but a great parent, and you have to make that distinction for your children. It's a hard one to make when you're so angry, and all you want to do is strangle that person. Don't. Your feelings will pass. How you feel in this moment is not necessarily how you're going to feel tomorrow. But if you communicated it with all that urgency, and passion, and anger to your children, they'll hold on to it forever. Give them what they can can hear. "We made a mistake. My partner make a mistake, but that does not mean they're a terrible person, and that does not mean that our family is over. We're figuring it out." To give your children the answer, "I don't know. We're figuring it out." is a very powerful response, and it lets them know that they don't have to have it figured out either.