Refusing to talk about adoption

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Refusing to talk about adoption

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Sometimes when children reach the Elementary school age, they no longer like to talk about adoption or they talk about it less. Whereas, previously they would often ask their mom or dad to tell their adoption story. The reason is that they are coming to understand adoption more deeply. They are coming to understand the implications. They are coming to understand that adoption is founded on loss and that they had been connected to someone that they either do not know or are no longer connected to. That creates ambivalence. It is not so much that they are ambivalent about their adopted family -- Typically there is a lot of love and understanding. The ambivalence is about not understanding and the experience of sadness or confusion that is part of loss.

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David Brodzinsky, PhD

Psychologist & Author

David Brodzinsky is Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology and Director of the Foster Care Counseling Project at Rutgers University. He also maintains an active private practice serving the clinical needs of children and families, including individuals who are part of the adoption triad. Brodzinsky has written and lectured extensively in the fields of developmental and clinical psychology and is an internationally known expert in the field of adoption. He is co-author of such well-known books as, The Psychology of Adoption, Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, and Children's Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Issues.

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Transcription: 
Sometimes when children reach the Elementary school age, they no longer like to talk about adoption or they talk about it less. Whereas, previously they would often ask their mom or dad to tell their adoption story. The reason is that they are coming to understand adoption more deeply. They are coming to understand the implications. They are coming to understand that adoption is founded on loss and that they had been connected to someone that they either do not know or are no longer connected to. That creates ambivalence. It is not so much that they are ambivalent about their adopted family -- Typically there is a lot of love and understanding. The ambivalence is about not understanding and the experience of sadness or confusion that is part of loss.