Perfectionism and adopted children

Psychologist & Author David Brodzinsky, PhD, shares advice for adoptive parents on why adopted kids can often be perfectionists and how to help them with their anxiety and perfectionism
Perfectionism & Anxiety In Adopted Children
KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Perfectionism and adopted children

Comment
148
Like
148
Transcription: 
Many adopted children strive to be perfect, and they are very hard on themselves when they are not. Again, it comes from a sense of insecurity. As parents, we need to be very empathic towards them. We need to help them understand that when they make mistakes, don't do as well in school or in sports that they want to, that we still love them. We don't expect them to be perfect. Learning is a process of making mistakes before we get better. One of the reasons we see this in adopted children is anxiety, if they are not perfect, if they are not meeting mommy and daddy's expectations, that perhaps they will be returned to the country of origin, returned to the foster parents. Young children do not understand about the legal permanency of adoption. The phrase "forever family," is just a phrase. So, if they are not meeting parent's expectations, or they are worried that they are not, sometimes they are anxious and they strive to do so. They strive to be perfect.

Psychologist & Author David Brodzinsky, PhD, shares advice for adoptive parents on why adopted kids can often be perfectionists and how to help them with their anxiety and perfectionism

Related Videos

Transcript

Expert Bio

More from Expert

David Brodzinsky, PhD

Psychologist & Author

David Brodzinsky is Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology and Director of the Foster Care Counseling Project at Rutgers University. He also maintains an active private practice serving the clinical needs of children and families, including individuals who are part of the adoption triad. Brodzinsky has written and lectured extensively in the fields of developmental and clinical psychology and is an internationally known expert in the field of adoption. He is co-author of such well-known books as, The Psychology of Adoption, Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, and Children's Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Issues.

More Parenting Videos from David Brodzinsky, PhD >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter
  Listen or Watch
Must See First Year Videos
Three important rules about your baby's first foods
First year milestones
Postnatal depression and loneliness advice
Baby losing interest in nursing
The importance of spending quality time during early childhood
Narrating an infant's environment
Research based benefits of co-sleeping
Bonding versus attachment
Bonding with your baby after a less-than-perfect birth
Preventing postpartum depression
Play All 34 Videos
Featured Experts: Alan Greene, MD, Lawrence Kagan, MD, Barbara Olinger, MSW
More Playlists >
Transcription: 
Many adopted children strive to be perfect, and they are very hard on themselves when they are not. Again, it comes from a sense of insecurity. As parents, we need to be very empathic towards them. We need to help them understand that when they make mistakes, don't do as well in school or in sports that they want to, that we still love them. We don't expect them to be perfect. Learning is a process of making mistakes before we get better. One of the reasons we see this in adopted children is anxiety, if they are not perfect, if they are not meeting mommy and daddy's expectations, that perhaps they will be returned to the country of origin, returned to the foster parents. Young children do not understand about the legal permanency of adoption. The phrase "forever family," is just a phrase. So, if they are not meeting parent's expectations, or they are worried that they are not, sometimes they are anxious and they strive to do so. They strive to be perfect.