It was a surprise to me to actually come to understand that I will be able to get to know the birth mother. In my case I was able to get to know the birth mother, I met her several times and I was actually in contact via the court system and my adoption agency was the birth father for almost the first 3 years of her life. And that felt very awkward and competitive at the beginning as the birth mother, who was very drug addicted was actually very early on before my daughter was 1 months old that she told me she wanted me to be the mother. She said to me I will never be able to give to my little girl what you will be able to give to her and I'm so grateful that we met. The birth father was in and out of jail and he really fought for her in court. He was not capable to be her parent, he was not capable to take care of her. I had to really by-stand the process for the court system and himself to realize that he is just not able to parent his child. But I know about the process and I strongly recommend to have compassion for the first parents. They would like to do their best and they are doing their best and they cannot be the parent to their children they would like to be. I realized they do love their children and typically that's more than 90% if we would look at statistics. The birth parents come from backgrounds which are highly highly dysfunctional. Dysfunctional in ways which none of us probably ever had to or will experience. So my advice is to have a lot of compassion for the birth parents and if the birth parents have lost several children in the fost-adopt process they probably will lose them again. I'm certainly a believer if their birth parent is able to put their life together in miraculous way they should have their child. That just usually doesn't happen.