Can my husband's porn use affect our intimacy in the bedroom

Sex addiction specialist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD talks about how pornography use can affect a couple's intimacy
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Can my husband's porn use affect our intimacy in the bedroom

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What are the problems with somebody who has been exposed long term to pornography or let's say sexually addicted in terms of being able to be intimate with his or her partner in the bedroom of a committed relationship? One of the things that happens when you flood the brain with high arousing material like pornography, or very specific behaviors that are choreographed and ritualized like with a prostitute? It makes it very difficult to be interested in your partner because what's happening in the brain is the brain is getting very stimulated and while it's being stimulated sexually, what happens also is there's a release of chemicals, neurochemicals that cause the person to feel attached to the person or the image that they're relating to. So they actually, sometimes you'll hear guys say I fell in love with my prostitute and what' s happened is that the neurochemistry has caused them to develop an attachment, and once that occurs when they're in the bedroom or the livingroom, or the family room with their wife or husband, they're devoid of any interest. Their brain is stimulated with somebody else. They're attached to somebody else and so it makes it very difficult for them to be aroused, and so sometimes they'll insist on using pornography or they'll be lost in fantasies, so they're really not present in the relationship sometimes with the spouse.

Sex addiction specialist Kenneth M. Adams, PhD talks about how pornography use can affect a couple's intimacy

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Kenneth M. Adams, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., CSAT, is a Licensed Psychologist, the Clinical Director and Founder of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in suburban Detroit, Michigan, as well as a faculty member at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals. As previous Clinical Director for the Life Healing Center in Sante Fe, New Mexico, a residential treatment center for trauma and addiction, Dr Adams created the first inpatient program exclusively for partners of sex addicts. In addition to maintaining an active clinical practice, Dr. Adams is a national lecturer, workshop leader, and consultant in the areas of child abuse, dysfunctional family systems, and sex addiction. He is the author of numerous peer-reviewed publications, the books Silently Seduced and When He’s Married to Mom, as well as co-editor of Clinical Management of Sex Addiction. In 2011, Dr Adams received the “Carnes Award” for “outstanding work in the field of sexual addiction and compulsivity”. He is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), a CSAT supervisor, and CSAT training facilitator as well as an Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) practitioner. Dr. Adams is a member of the American Psychological Association, Michigan Psychological Association, Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), and International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) as well as an advisory board member to SASH and IITAP, and an editorial board member of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. For more on Dr Adams visit www.drkenadams.com.

 

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Transcription: 
What are the problems with somebody who has been exposed long term to pornography or let's say sexually addicted in terms of being able to be intimate with his or her partner in the bedroom of a committed relationship? One of the things that happens when you flood the brain with high arousing material like pornography, or very specific behaviors that are choreographed and ritualized like with a prostitute? It makes it very difficult to be interested in your partner because what's happening in the brain is the brain is getting very stimulated and while it's being stimulated sexually, what happens also is there's a release of chemicals, neurochemicals that cause the person to feel attached to the person or the image that they're relating to. So they actually, sometimes you'll hear guys say I fell in love with my prostitute and what' s happened is that the neurochemistry has caused them to develop an attachment, and once that occurs when they're in the bedroom or the livingroom, or the family room with their wife or husband, they're devoid of any interest. Their brain is stimulated with somebody else. They're attached to somebody else and so it makes it very difficult for them to be aroused, and so sometimes they'll insist on using pornography or they'll be lost in fantasies, so they're really not present in the relationship sometimes with the spouse.