When partners and spouses have different parenting styles

Marriage & Family Therapist Julia Kantor, shares expert parenting advice on how to best handle a situation when you and your partner disagree on parenting styles
When Your Spouse Has A Different Parenting Style
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When partners and spouses have different parenting styles

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The best way to get on the same page with your partner when there is a parenting difference, is to start with a blank page. What I mean by that is, start this first conversation with a curious interest in each other's position. Decide that you are going to put aside the problem-solving and the decision for a different day. Focus this first conversation on just genuinely being curious about where each other is coming from. Ask open-ended questions, like, "I really want to understand more about why you feel so strongly about this. Tell me more." Just listen. Don't try to interrupt or convince your partner, just be curious about them. Then switch places and have your partner do the same for you. Once you've both felt understood and heard, you'll be in a much better position to make a collaborative decision and problem solve the next day.

Marriage & Family Therapist Julia Kantor, shares expert parenting advice on how to best handle a situation when you and your partner disagree on parenting styles

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Julia Kantor, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Julia Kantor, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 15 years of experience. With a private practice in Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks, Julia provides psychotherapy to individuals and couples dealing with a broad range of challenges. Julia also leads infant and toddler groups at the Pump Station and Sinai Temple and specializes in helping moms and couples to stay connected and improve communication post-children. She regularly speaks on "Childproofing Your Marriage" and offers phone coaching on this subject as well. 

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Transcription: 
The best way to get on the same page with your partner when there is a parenting difference, is to start with a blank page. What I mean by that is, start this first conversation with a curious interest in each other's position. Decide that you are going to put aside the problem-solving and the decision for a different day. Focus this first conversation on just genuinely being curious about where each other is coming from. Ask open-ended questions, like, "I really want to understand more about why you feel so strongly about this. Tell me more." Just listen. Don't try to interrupt or convince your partner, just be curious about them. Then switch places and have your partner do the same for you. Once you've both felt understood and heard, you'll be in a much better position to make a collaborative decision and problem solve the next day.